She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just pee around me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
