i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we're so committed to being not committed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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