how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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