Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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