My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
