You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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