How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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