i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
there is glitter all over my balls
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