I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
