yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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