Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
