For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
