I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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