I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
