she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
