So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
