I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
