He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
