I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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