Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
