just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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