My liver just broke up with me...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
