the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am naked and annoyed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
