TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
