I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
