you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
