I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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