just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
