Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
