You can't special order awesome
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
