checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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