the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
