Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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