Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
