Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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