Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize