i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
