they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
