Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
