What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's get the cat blown out
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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