not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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