i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
