Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
