I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
