In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
tell me about the fingering
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