True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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