Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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