How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
