my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
