what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
