in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
