tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
