Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
