When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
