All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am available for nakedness
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
