The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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