I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
