I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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