fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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