Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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