come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
