Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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