It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize