now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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