He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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