ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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