hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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